I have to admit I am struggling. I have been ill now for a couple weeks, there isn’t that much wrong in the big scheme of things, bronchitis knocked me out first week and I have a weird cough and sickness that I haven’t been able to shift and I am frankly knackered and frustrated. I have tests that I am awaiting results for and high blood pressure but it isn’t anything major.

Work wise things could not have been going much better, yes I am ridiculously busy as always, but we have taken great steps forward locally and nationally. The doctor says rest, and stress but I am not the resting type and being away from work thinking about all the stuff I need to do, could do and want to do it pretty stressful. Relaxing is not a strongpoint, but I after two weeks illness then returning to work for a week, I have been signed off for a week, to recover, so trying to behave, and rest.

I love the practice of silence, prayer, listening, but ultimately this begins to spark ideas, and heads me towards work mode particularly after a couple of weeks. My usual way to relax is a walk, beech or kite flying, but I can’t do this stuff so am feeling a little sorry for myself and pretty pathetic. My mind has gone into overdrive, and the things I like, such as blogs, reading generally get me thinking mission, so I thought of a blog post in a bid to try and park this stuff, the anxiety, patheticness, restlessness, work thoughts.

I seem to go around in circles and the activist in me will not switch off so I start to reevaluate stuff, and I find myself thinking again about different options, most recently selling everything and checking out RVs on eBay yes I know this is not conducive to relaxing. It is not like I don’t reevaluate my life as I go, and the illness is giving me time to take stock, most the things floating around is stuff I have complimented before, but it is like on hyperdrive.

So here is my bid to park my brain for little while, a moaning blogpost, that is selfish, western, and individualistic in a world where I know there are people with issues far greater than mine.